Obama Sez...

Obama: "I've just read a book that made a lot of sense."

"The Secret." 

"If you speak it, it will come true."

"One word equals one job."

"I'm going to give a lot of speeches with a lot of words so I can create a lot of jobs."

"And I'm not going to stop until theres a job for every man, woman, and child."

"Except minorities."

"According to quantum physics, the mere act of looking at something or speaking at or about something changes it."

"So I'm gonna take a good, hard look at the economy..."

"...and keep on talking until it gets better."

My Dad Had A Jab...

My dad had a jab that was so fast you wouldn't see it until he was pulling back.

That's insanity sauce.

The pillar of the community is just the guy who didn't get caught.

I don't complain about any psychological damage my parents may have cause me, because I know I've caused them more.

"Who believes in superstitions?  'Step on a crack, break your mother's back'?  I mean, c'mon."
     "I don't know, when I stepped on her crack, I broke your mother's back."

What if God treated humans like pet dogs?

Make driving more dangerous to make drivers drive more safely.  Instead of seatbelts, we should have metal spikes sticking out of the steering wheel.

As a kid, all you had to do to get out of trouble was act confused.

Gone cruisin'  Still boozin'  Lalapaloozin'

And that, my friend, is the snap, crackle, and pop of women.