Pigs are smarter than dogs. When they're being slaughtered, you can hear them screaming: "Please, no!"
Congress is making it legal to eat horse. I say we should eat whatever we have too much of.
I don't understand how some cultures can worship cows. They're so stupid, so fat... so delicious.
I can, however, understand why ancient Egyptians worshiped cats. Their aloofness makes them seem smart and majestic. Personally, I think cats are the Alzheimer sufferers of the animal kingdom.
I can even understand worshiping animals that are strong and can kill you. But cows? No.
Was that, like, two years ago? I think I saw that.
Yessir Arabcat.
President Obama has brokered a peace deal between cats and dogs who have fought and hated each other for thousands of years.
I tried crying, it didn't work, but you never know.
Bill Clinton was my political mentor. If there's one thing I learned from Clinton, it was that if you give a prostitute money to go buy drugs... she won't come back.
thethingaboutwomen.blogspot.com
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Aroma Therapy For Women
Money--an aphrodisiac
Just wave a few twenty dollar bills under her nose to catch the scent and watch her come to life. (Coins have no effect. Neither do dollar bills, unless you're at a strip club.)
Fur--power
It makes her want to be around one of those type of men who are born every minute.
Make-up--old age
Coming fast at her like a diesal truck going downhill without any brakes. It better be love, because she's not going to get better looking as she gets older.
Housework--revulsion
She loves a clean house. As long as someone else is doing the cleaning.
Cooking--revulsion
She prefers eating out. But don't expect her to pull out her wallet.
Husband's Paycheck--hunger
Makes her want to gobble up as much of it as she possibly can. After marriage, it becomes the only thing she's willing to blow.
New Shoes--hoarding
The only thing she loves more than a new pair of shoes is a...
Diamond--sex
You gave it to her, now she knows she's got to give it to you.
New Baby Smell--security
She knows she has her hold over her a man for all eternity.
Pussy--discomfort
A smell she wants her husband to become less and less familiar with. Especially her own.
New Pussy--ignorance
A woman doesn't mind her man cheating on her, she minds finding out he's cheating on her.
Just wave a few twenty dollar bills under her nose to catch the scent and watch her come to life. (Coins have no effect. Neither do dollar bills, unless you're at a strip club.)
Fur--power
It makes her want to be around one of those type of men who are born every minute.
Make-up--old age
Coming fast at her like a diesal truck going downhill without any brakes. It better be love, because she's not going to get better looking as she gets older.
Housework--revulsion
She loves a clean house. As long as someone else is doing the cleaning.
Cooking--revulsion
She prefers eating out. But don't expect her to pull out her wallet.
Husband's Paycheck--hunger
Makes her want to gobble up as much of it as she possibly can. After marriage, it becomes the only thing she's willing to blow.
New Shoes--hoarding
The only thing she loves more than a new pair of shoes is a...
Diamond--sex
You gave it to her, now she knows she's got to give it to you.
New Baby Smell--security
She knows she has her hold over her a man for all eternity.
Pussy--discomfort
A smell she wants her husband to become less and less familiar with. Especially her own.
New Pussy--ignorance
A woman doesn't mind her man cheating on her, she minds finding out he's cheating on her.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
The Afterglow
Ten Things A Woman Says Before Or After Sex
1. What do you mean it's already in?
2. In order for size not to matter... you would actually have to have some size.
3. Are you still here?
4. I've never liked you. Just kidding. No, I'm not.
5. If you left now, you wouldn't have to hurry home.
6. I'm not saying it's your fault, but it sure isn't my fault.
7. Funny, but you didn't look that out of shape with your clothes on.
8. "Quickly"? Oh... now I get it.
9. It's a good thing all I have to do is lay here.
10. The only thing that would've made this a perfect evening is your not being here.
1. What do you mean it's already in?
2. In order for size not to matter... you would actually have to have some size.
3. Are you still here?
4. I've never liked you. Just kidding. No, I'm not.
5. If you left now, you wouldn't have to hurry home.
6. I'm not saying it's your fault, but it sure isn't my fault.
7. Funny, but you didn't look that out of shape with your clothes on.
8. "Quickly"? Oh... now I get it.
9. It's a good thing all I have to do is lay here.
10. The only thing that would've made this a perfect evening is your not being here.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Cafe Skin
She was as cream-filled as a snack cake.
Like a swimming little furry animal.
"Innocence" is very tedious and tiresome when it's not genuine.
She was so dumb, that when her daughter was born she saw the umbilica cord and said "Look! It comes with cable!"
Male Enhancement. When you're man enough to admit you're not man enough.
I was as unwelcome as Ted Bundy at a cheerleader sleep-over.
I called her Peanut Butter, 'cause her legs were brown, smooth, and easy to spread.
Her morals were as functional as Bob Doles right hand.
You know what I like in a woman? Me.
I'm gonna hit you so hard, your future son's going to be born with a dent in his head.
Like a swimming little furry animal.
"Innocence" is very tedious and tiresome when it's not genuine.
She was so dumb, that when her daughter was born she saw the umbilica cord and said "Look! It comes with cable!"
Male Enhancement. When you're man enough to admit you're not man enough.
I was as unwelcome as Ted Bundy at a cheerleader sleep-over.
I called her Peanut Butter, 'cause her legs were brown, smooth, and easy to spread.
Her morals were as functional as Bob Doles right hand.
You know what I like in a woman? Me.
I'm gonna hit you so hard, your future son's going to be born with a dent in his head.
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